When sadness takes over

After going to the Doctor's and getting a blood test I spend the rest of the day glued to the TV as always. As time passed by I began to feel depression taking over me, this complete sadness that I'm not sure how to deal with. It feels like we went back in time, where it's a terrible yet 'standard' part of everyday life to hear about soldiers getting killed, and soldiers getting injured.

Even the reports about where katyushas fell died down a bit. Are we really in a routine of war? Did we really get used to this reality already?
The sadness got bigger when I thought about the fact that I am supposed to fly back to Buffalo in 12 days. I don't know if I can leave at times like this. Concentrating on school, classes, work, it all seems like mission impossible. Would I be able to study while knowing that my mom is spending her time in a bomb shelter, while she is barely sleeping at night because it's a fire zone?

Israel is in a war for its existence, not a war of choice. How can I leave? My family, my friends, my home, MY COUNTRY. I'm so confused right now. My dreams in the past couple of nights have consisted of katyusha missiles shelling. I hope I don't end up finding out that I need to be treated for anxiety.

I feel like I need a huge hug. Is that selfish at times like this when soldiers are fighting for their lives?... My friend Katie promised to give me a big one.

Yesterday I met up with Eran, a good friend who I haven't seen in a long time. He's my guardian angel and also lives in the bombarded north – Karmiel. He brought along a British friend who is visiting Israel (I admire the ones who are brave enough to come at times like this). Together the three of us sat outside in this quiet bar, discussing (naturally) the situation and some politics. I do believe this was the first time Eran and I didn't argue about politics but actually agreed with one another, I never thuoght that day would come. Finally Eran, I knew you'd come around ;-)

Eran and I both agreed that in case of an alarm the following would be likely to happen;
A) The both of will immediately run inside the building, looking for the basement/shelter.
B) The rest of the people in the area, who seem mostly from the Tel Aviv area would probably raise their heads and wonder what is this annoying noise that is disturbing them.

I am just kidding of course. Hopefully we won't have to find out what would be the reaction in case of the bomb attack on Tel Aviv.

And now the NY Times joins the party. Don't you just love it when the media only tell you the(ir) truth?